Delicious Whole Wheat Waffles

These whole wheat waffles are a low-fat, nutritious, and delicious start to the day. They cost pennies to make, are quick and easy, and if you want even quicker future breakfasts you can make a huge batch and freeze them for a quick toaster/microwave reheat to grab anytime. My kids even like the leftovers as snacks with peanut butter or jam on them. If you like to mix it up, my oatmeal pancake recipe also makes great oatmeal waffles. This recipe has more of a traditional taste with all the whole grain and nutrients of whole wheat flour.

2 eggs (or 4 egg whites)

1 1/2 cups skim milk

1/4 cup applesauce (no sugar added)

1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour

2 tbsp. sugar

4 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. vanilla

Variations are always fun, so add a tbsp. of cinnamon for cinnamon waffles, cinnamon and 1/2-1 tsp. of nutmeg for french toast waffles, or for apple cinnamon waffles replace one or both of the eggs with 1/4 cup more applesauce per egg and add the cinnamon. Serve with syrup, fruit and yogurt, jam, or strawberries/strawberry puree and a bit of whipped cream. So good!

Shake Down Summer

I love summer. I love milkshakes. I DON'T love adding 500+ empty calories to my thighs on a regular basis. There is a simple answer to all of this. A delicious and refreshing milkshake does not have to be ice cream based. Hear me out. All it takes is bananas, milk, and ice (with infinite variation possibilities), and I promise it's worth all it's guiltlessness!

Basic Banana Shake: I'm not much of a measurer, and this one doesn't need exact measurements at all. It's a simple concept that can be adjusted however you like it best. Start with 2-3 ripe bananas, depending how banana-y you like it. They need to be good and ripe (but not rotten) in order to have the right sweetness. If you use under-ripe bananas you'll have to add a bit of sugar, and the taste just isn't as good. With the bananas in the blender add 1-2 cups of milk, depending on the size of the blender and the thickness of shake desired, with an optional teaspoon of vanilla. Leave plenty of room to add a bunch of ice to the desired consistency. That's it! One blender full makes several servings.

Variations: If you're not a banana fan, you can experiment with all kinds of fruit. Anything goes. I just find that bananas are a good shake base because of their consistency, and it's a great way to use them up when they're just a bit too ripe to want to eat plain. I like to add to the banana base with other fruit. It's a great use for frozen strawberries or the ones in the fridge that'll be furry by tomorrow. If you crave chocolate, add a couple teaspoons of baking cocoa with a teaspoon or two of sugar, as the cocoa is usually a bit bitter. Use your imagination. There are lots of flavorings to try between the baking isle and the coffee section of the grocery store. I have mint and hazelnut that would be good in the right shake. I've even added a graham cracker, giving it a pie taste. The possibilities are endless, and you won't feel like you're stuck with diet food to enjoy nutrition and a great variety of tastes for the summer!

Keep Strawberries Alive!

It's strawberry season, which I get pretty excited about. Strawberries are high in vitamin C and fiber, as well as containing lots of other vitamins and minerals. They are also delicious! My problem with strawberries has always been that, for most of the year, they are just so expensive, and when they're cheap you can only eat so many before they go bad.

I want cheap strawberries to eat throughout the year, so I've started freezing them. Sure, you can buy frozen strawberries, but those cost even more than out-of-season fresh ones most of the time. It is SO easy to just do it yourself. When the price is right, buy as many as you want to deal with and can fit in your freezer. Just rinse and dry with a kitchen towel, cut the stems off, and place on cookie sheets. Place the cookie sheets flat in the freezer for several hours. My freezer isn't huge, so I just have to do a couple sheets at a time. When the berries are relatively hard, just fill gallon freezer bags and store back in the freezer. If you skip the cookie sheet and just freeze in the bags you might find that you have a gallon-sized strawberry mass. They become a lot harder to deal with that way.

The disclaimer here is that nothing truly replaces fresh strawberries. That's still the best way to eat them and the only good way to eat them whole or freshly cut up in salads or cereal. Frozen strawberries are still very useful and nutritious, though, and are great for strawberry shortcake, pies, milkshakes, homemade ice cream, and puree to put in cakes and muffins or to pour over pancakes or waffles. With instant access to strawberries year-round, it's always spring in my house!

S-E-X, Part 2: Get Your Sexy Back

We established in Part 1 that sex is a great indicator of the condition of our marriages. If we are feeling happy and connected with our spouse, chances are we're having good sex. If we are having good sex, chances are we are feeling connected to our spouse. Notice I didn't just say any sex. I said GOOD sex. You can go through the motions and not have it translate into fulfillment and connectedness. In fact, simply going through the obligatory motions can breed resentment from both directions. A positive and fulfilling sexual experience is an inherent marital privilege we need not feel ashamed of, and we need to be open-minded and open with our spouses in order to create an environment where mutual fulfillment can exist. This being said, sex is even more complicated than that.

Now I'm no Dr. Ruth, but the culture of trying to be "good" sometimes seems to contradict our efforts in the bedroom. It seems to be much more prevalent for women, and we, as well as our husbands, are suffering for it. We generally feel it inappropriate to discuss our sex lives with others (and often don't even talk with our spouses about it), so we are left isolated trying to muddle through a very complicated and sensitive issue with only our own expertise and perspective to rely on. We are often deeply ingrained with the concept of modesty and told that only skanky girls dress provocatively or flaunt their sexuality, but we are told in passing that once we are married we're allowed to enjoy sex and supposed to keep our husbands satisfied. Did most of us even know what that entailed or how to balance the two concepts when we signed up for this? We have so many roles, so many parts to play, and most of them aren't glamorous. Being a caregiver, a chauffeur, a cook, a maid, a slave to a 9-5 job, a student, a Sunday school teacher, or a volunteer doesn't feel sexy, but being a wife should. I spent years not feeling sexy. I was too tired and too distracted to even care, and I felt annoyed at my husband continually acting like I was desirable. I chalked it up to him being blind and desperate. Then one otherwise uneventful day of victimhood and bored-wifedom it came to me like a bolt of lightning. It would be much more fun to play the part of the sexy, seductive wife than to constantly be the pitiful victim of his piggish male advances. Once I decided, it didn't take long to bring my sexy back. We women are powerful. If we act sexy and feel sexy, we ARE sexy. And a secret for you husbands, if you treat us like we're sexy long enough, you just might have us convinced.

Going back to what I said at the very beginning, I had felt like I couldn't offer the sexual relationship my husband wanted because I didn't feel emotionally connected. When I just decided to do it anyway (and actually enjoy it), the emotional connection naturally improved on its own. Yes, husbands can help things along by actively trying to improve emotional intimacy, but we women don't have to wait for that. We can single-handedly change the direction of our marriages. It's empowering.

The acting sexy and feeling sexy are a chicken-or-egg kind of debate. Don't ask which one really comes first. I can't even really decide if they are two separate entities. In a lot of ways, if I act sexy I feel sexy, and if I feel sexy I act sexy, so whatever. I'm not a porn star, and I assume most of my readers aren't either, but that's the whole point. I am not trying to attract the widest range of men possible. I only need to attract one, and given the fact that he already chose me, I'm at least one step ahead of the game. I don't need to fret about my imperfect figure or my gravity-inclined body parts. His parts aren't so perfect either, right? Shhh. Don't tell him I said that. That being said, it's important to take care of our bodies. An active, healthy body is more hormonally and um... athletically suited for satisfying sex, but it's not about pounds and inches. It's about reasonably working on being healthy. Love the bod God gave you, and know your spouse craves that bod.

Get sexified! I know that's a pretty technical term, but stay with me. If you're into the au naturel thing I can't argue with that. You do what makes YOU feel sexy, as well as what appeals to your spouse, but some new way to pamper yourself and boost your confidence is a great way to begin a reconnect with your sexuality. For some, it's as simple as buying some new lingerie that flatters all your best parts. For others, it might mean a shopping spree to replace all the pre-baby 1990's Lee jeans with something a bit more contemporary, as well as the right size. Get a manicure, a pedicure, a new haircut and/or color, try shaving more than once a month just to mix things up, get a bit sun-kissed (not too much), up your activity level, update your make-up, get some pjs that don't make you look like your grandmother or a balloon, or whatever. Just do something to make you feel a bit more on top of your game. We're all friends here, right? You au naturel peeps stop paying attention for just a second. For the love of all that is good in this world, get a trimmer and/or some wax! Wax is not nearly as scary as it sounds, and it hardly hurts at all once you've done it a couple times. You can also save a ton of money by doing it at home with a kit you can buy at Walmart. You'll instantly have a new confidence and will never go back. Less self-consciousness and inhibition means more pleasure. If you're especially brave or experienced with this, go brazilian to mix it up (don't try that at home). This is not just for women, gentlemen. Ladies, we can gently encourage a decrease in body hair if we think it might be nice. Men will do just about anything to boost our libido.

Now that you've gotten back in touch with your sexy, act it! Remember how you used to flirt when you were dating and get back to it. Send a sexy note in his lunch or a mid-day email or text that makes him want to come home early. Prepare a candle-lit dessert and bath for after the kids are in bed. Make-out (or more, if you're brave) in the backyard under the guise of stargazing. Get massage oil and take turns giving full-body massages (I recommend on different nights). Take a belly or pole dancing class. Unexpectedly put on something sexy for a late night slow dance. Give up the pjs you call lingerie and go for something truly shocking. Try a new toy or game to spice things up. Do some research and try a new position or technique. Try initiating, for a change. Just do something! You ARE a sexual being, and you and your spouse deserve to enjoy it. It will help you feel connected as a couple, and it's FUN. Yes, fun is allowed and even encouraged in a marriage. It's part of romance.

Believe me, I know it's not always that easy. It can feel a bit unnatural at first if it's something you haven't done in a while, or ever, or it might feel slightly out of character for you. Start slow if you need to. I also know that sex has a physical component that doesn't always work like we wish it would. This is another area that requires some compassion and openness. The Act of Marriage, by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, is full of great information. Get to know what your spouse enjoys and get good at it. Be open to gently instructing him as to what you like and need. He's trying his best and only knows what you tell him. Don't be afraid to gently mention that the dance in the leopard print bikini briefs is more disturbing than sexy, or that you want more of this or less of that. Re-emphasize fore-play. Though a good lube in the nightstand is a must, it also shouldn't be a crutch. Most women make plenty of their own natural lubricant if given enough time and stimulation to be ready for intercourse.

It can be really helpful, since we women are so prone to carrying our stress around with us all day, to decide to get that sexy on hours before anything's gonna happen. Tease him a bit to get him looking forward to it. Make sure the kids are in bed on time. Take an extra long bath or shower and pamper yourself so you can feel your best. Keep reminding yourself during the day what you're looking forward to. Ask for what you need him to do for you to be relaxed and ready for a great experience. It can make a huge difference in the quality and quantity of lovemaking. If you wait til it just hits you as you climb into bed, you both might be waiting a while.

I can't express enough how much this can bless your life and your marriage. Sex offers much needed stress relief and positive hormonal contributions for increased health, as well as physical and emotional bonds that are imperative to a healthy marriage. Men, don't wait til your wife becomes your fantasy lover to offer her unconditional acceptance and romance. Women, don't wait til your husband comes galloping in on his white steed to become his sexy seductress. This gift is meant to be freely given and received within marriage, and yes, it's supposed to be fun!

S-E-X, Part 1: The Great Indicator

Let's just point out the elephant in the room right now. We are all sexual beings. We can pretend, deny, and repress all we want, but the truth remains. We, men AND women, were created to physiologically and emotionally desire and enjoy sex. It actually is good for our health and enhances our feelings of well-being. Those that believe in God and, at the same time, feel guilt or shame for this fact might want to ponder the whole created-in-His-image thing. If procreation were His only plan for sex, He might very well have left certain organs out and planned it entirely differently, since pleasure would be unnecessary. In fact, eliminating pleasure altogether might have made His job easier, since it would eliminate all kinds of societal ills and personal weaknesses, but I digress.

In a marriage relationship, the health of our sex life is a great indicator of the overall health of our relationship. I wouldn't have always said this. It's something that I really had to step back and humbly acknowledge after some real struggle. As much as I struggled to disprove it, though, my marriage has made more sense to me and my emotional well-being has improved since accepting and embracing this truth as a powerful ally. There are certainly a lot of resources out there on the subject, but there is also a lot of silence. The silence is deafening, and marriages are suffering because "good" people just don't talk about it and often don't know how to make "goodness" and sexuality co-exist.

It's probably no surprise that this issue is extremely complicated, maybe the most complicated aspect of an intimate relationship, as men and women tend to view it so completely differently. Entire books are written on the subject. Simply and generally put, men tend to have sex to feel close, and women tend to need to feel close in order to want sex. This naturally creates quite a bit of tension at times. In the ideal relationship, both spouses have a deep and constant emotional bond which naturally draws them into a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. Those of you with this ideal relationship may stop reading right now (at least until Part 2), as I have nothing to add. I congratulate you on your marital perfection and ask you to pray for the rest of us. For those of us remaining, I tell you emphatically from experience that there is hope, and with some work and willingness to be vulnerable, your marital intimacy, both physical and emotional, can improve dramatically.

The first step is truly believing that sex is an inherent marital right and privilege and that shame has no place in it. Women especially need to embrace their sexuality, in the proper context, as beautiful and a blessing to them. And They Were Not Ashamed, by Laura Brotherson, CFLE, is a great resource if you struggle with this, and is a great overall resource on the entire subject. 

The second step is really excepting the truth that men and women have differing views and needs related to sex, and that neither is inherently right or wrong. Sex Begins In The Kitchen, by Dr. Kevin Leman, is a good read for this. Men, it's so important for you to understand that a woman resistant to your sexual needs is not just trying to make you suffer, and she is not frigid or sexless. You must be sensitive to, and patient with, her insecurities and desire to feel emotionally cared for in order to feel open to a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship. Women, your husband is not a demonic pig for desiring you on a regular basis. His desire can actually be a blessing to you and your relationship if you allow it. This doesn't mean you are obligated to comply with his every whim, but it does mean a sensitivity on your end and an effort to lovingly fulfill his needs when possible, which, believe it or not, will leave you feeling fulfilled as well.

This second step is not a quickie. It is extended fore-play, and it probably has to be adjusted many times over the years. It requires being open to and open with each other. It's not always easy to talk about sex, but it's so important to be on the same page here. It's dangerous to do this entirely individually, having to assume your spouse's needs, desires, and thoughts on the subject. You will inevitably be misguided in at least some of your assumptions, which is not only unfair to your spouse but counterproductive to your efforts. If it's hard to sit and talk about this, write letters or include this in your series of questions for each other. It's valuable information that can deepen your emotional intimacy and increase your understanding of and appreciation for your spouse if you can allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest in your answers and non-judgmental of your spouse's.

So if the health of our sex life is an indicator of the overall health of our relationship, how do we feel about our sex life? Is our mutual fulfillment a product and expression of our love and respect for each other, or is the dissonance we feel a product and expression of resentment, distance, and misguided priorities? We find the sensual aspects of sex exploited and replayed over and over in society and in the media. They may be titillating, but they are a lie. They deny the true beauty,complexity, and potential of married love. There is a deep love, acceptance, and powerful force within sex that can not be accessed by a one night stand. This power can only exist between two totally committed and monogamous partners that constantly work on reflecting the ideal of spiritual, emotional, and physical oneness.  

What Are You Worth?

Anyone that knows me very well knows that I'm somewhat of a finance buff. I worked in the banking field for 7 years, and even now it's a bit of a hobby for me. Yes, I have professional backgrounds in both finance and health. Though a strange mix, they are not entirely incompatible. When was the last time you felt completely whole, your best emotional and physical self, when you had pressing financial matters or unpaid bills? How does it affect your feelings of well-being to pay off a debt or take a positive financial step?

Whether you're struggling to get by paycheck to paycheck, debt-free with money in the bank, or anywhere in between, there are simple things you can do to improve your fiscal health. The first thing that can be helpful in framing financial goals and taking the proper steps in order to accomplish those goals is to know your starting point. What is your net worth? What does a current snapshot of your financial life look like? I recommend figuring this annually to help you keep perspective of where you really are and what your short and long-term goals should be.

A simple spreadsheet can do the trick. If you're really not computer literate, a piece of paper and a calculator would work, but it's important to keep it over the years to compare with future figures. I'm sure there are multiple ways you can do this, but this is one simple way. The first column lists Wealth-Building Assets like cash, bank accounts, retirement and investment accounts, and current market values of assets you own that tend to increase in value over time (like real estate). The second column lists any Other Assets like the current market value (if you sold them all today) of all your personal property, furniture, and vehicles (you'll have to estimate much of it). The third column lists all your Liabilities, or debt, including mortgages, vehicle loans, credit card and other unsecured debt, student loans, and anything else you owe. Simply add the items so you have a total for each column. Then list Total Assets (column 1 and 2), Total Liabilities (column 3), and Net Worth (Total Assets minus Total Liabilities).

Every year you can just plug in new columns for your already existing lists and have new totals to work with (without erasing previous amounts). Don't let these numbers distress you. It's not uncommon to even have a negative number for net worth to begin with. The important part is actually knowing where you stand financially so you can improve your situation bit by bit each year. Any amount of saving/investing for the future, paying down debt, or increasing equity will reward you with increased net worth each year, and you'll be well on your way to financial freedom and peace of mind.

Small Victories

This morning I didn't get any blogging done. I didn't get a lot of things done. I mowed the backyard instead, and given the oddly shaped hilly nature of my yard and my ever-expanding awkward belly, this was an exhausting feat. Yes, I'm proud, but I also found that almost immediately my mind cut off my feelings of triumph to bombard me with all the things on my list that haven't been done.

My plan was to get some great research done and put together something fabulous to post today, since I've been somewhat distracted recently. It didn't happen, and just as I started to feel the shame that inevitably comes on the rare occasions when I'm not perfect, it occurred to me that an important part of wellness is learning to just be okay with our limitations. No, my plans aren't all working out just as I'd like them to, but every time my mind takes me to that awful place where I can never win, I have a little something I like to say. "Small victories." Then I let myself revel in what I HAVE done, however small and seemingly insignificant. I conquered that ridiculous backyard. I fed my little urchins a special and nutritious breakfast. I made sure all the bills would get paid this month. I even made some progress with making my house a little less embarrassing, in case the dreaded unexpected visitor arrives. So forget that the list never actually gets finished. Celebrate the feelings of accomplishment that naturally come every time you get to check something off. Small victories may be all we ever get, so enjoy every second!

I Am Me

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." -Albert Einstein

I love this. It reminds me to be me and no one else. If I spend my life comparing my figure to airbrushed movie stars or 18 year olds who have never known the joys of childbirth, I will certainly always feel undesirable. If I compare my professional accomplishments to those without children and with advanced degrees and 30 years of experience, I will certainly always feel like an underachiever. If I compare all of my faults to others' strengths, I'll never have a sliver of hope to measure up.

I am me. I'm not any of the people I admire. I do not have their particular skill sets or personalities. I have mine, and though, in my own eyes it isn't much, it's enough to be successful. There are times I find myself focusing on the fact that I am a very analytical person that can come across as slightly abrasive, as I'm passionate about too many things, have too many opinions, and can't seem to hide them or keep my mouth shut. This disqualifies me from politics, sales, and professional butt-kissing, but it also makes me good at effective problem-solving, increasing efficiency, motivational speaking, and writing (don't laugh).

Writing is an effective tool. You don't have to be eloquent or particularly articulate for it to work. You just need a pen and paper or a computer, if you're like me and type faster (and more legibly) than you can write. Find some quiet time and just write who you are. Don't write who you aren't. Write what you're good at, what your strengths are. Leave your weaknesses out. This is a personal resume of sorts. Write what makes you a good husband or wife, parent, child, or sibling. Write what makes you good at your job or school, or the ever-daunting household responsibilities. Write what personality traits work for you and what hobbies you excel at. Write what makes you good at being you. Don't limit yourself, but keep each point concise and easy to scan back through regularly.

I have my personal resume, and whenever I get caught up in all the trees I can't climb, I look it over again. You know what? I'm a damn good fish!

Sports Drinks: Fab or Fable?

There is a huge market for sports drinks like Gatorade and Powerade. Every NFL and collegiate football team has giant coolers, bottles, and towels advertising them. I've often wondered if those coolers actually even contain the stuff. My teams have often filled them with good ol' fashioned ice water. Regardless, we have, as a society, been convinced that we will be healthier, faster, and stronger if we drink as much as possible of these highly marketed concoctions.

Assuming marketing doesn't equal reality (which is usually a safe bet), what IS the truth regarding the need for, and usefulness of, sports drinks? Generally, sports drinks are a combination of water for hydration, carbohydrates for quick energy, and sodium and potassium for electrolyte replacement. Some specialty drinks include protein for muscle recovery after exercise. A meal usually suffices.

The water and carbs seem pretty self-explanatory, but let's consider the electrolytes for a minute. Without getting boringly technical, electrolytes are chemicals needed in the body for proper cell function. You need them in your blood and body tissues to survive. On the minor end, electrolyte shortages can cause muscle cramping. This is no fun, especially in the middle of a soccer or football game. On the severe end, have you ever heard of water intoxication? If you drink too much water without electrolyte balance you develop what's called hyponatremia. Your cells and tissues swell, you get very sick, and if not treated quickly, you die. Bananas are a great source of electrolytes. The BYU football team swears by pickle juice.

Now that you've had your little physiology lesson for the day, back to sports drinks. Yes, they serve a purpose. They are very helpful for high intensity, long duration exercise like football two-a-days in 90 degree weather or marathon running/training. They taste better than plain water, so athletes are more likely to drink enough to keep properly hydrated, and they add a few carbs to keep energy up and electrolytes to replace those lost in sweat. The nutrient balance is also such that the drink is absorbed from the stomach quicker than plain water, so they can also be very useful in the case of severe vomiting and/or diarrhea, when proper hydration is very difficult but extremely important.

No, it's not important to have sports drinks for every practice, run, or when sitting around the house watching TV. They become just another drink option, at that point, and a rather expensive one at that. They are certainly a healthier choice than soda or most other sugary drinks, since they have significantly less sugar, but they are not necessary.

With all that said, if you are a hard-core athlete or just simply like to drink sports drinks, there is a way to get the benefits without having to fork out all that cash. The nutritional make-up can be relatively closely mimicked with some easy-to-make recipes. There are a million of them. They are all slight variations of the same idea. I've included a couple here that are simple and stick closely to the proper nutrient balance. Also, if you're really interested in more detail about fluid and nutritional replacement during exercise, the Gatorade website can actually be very informative. Just don't get sucked into all the advertising!

Juice Drink
1/2 cup orange juice or 2 tbsp. lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2 liters water

Kool-Aid Drink
1 pkg. unsweetened drink mix
10 tbsp sugar (1/2 cup + 2 tbsp)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp lite salt
2 liters water

In either case, just combine and stir the ingredients until dissolved. Refill empty Gatorade or Powerade bottles, or buy a reusable bottle and get sweating!

Black Bean Quinoa

I just tried quinoa for the first time. I was a little nervous, I admit, but it was really good! Quinoa is usually considered a whole grain, but it's actually a seed. It can be sprouted, ground, or boiled to make slightly crunchy grain-like balls that usually take the place of pasta or rice in a meal or salad. Like other whole grains, quinoa is packed with vitamins, minerals, and fiber. It's best known, though, for it's high protein content and gluten-free status, making it a great choice for vegetarian, vegan, or gluten-free meals, like this one. You can find quinoa in the health food or gluten-free section of your grocery store or at your local health food store. Buying in bulk will probably save money.

This recipe is a variation/combination of several Mexican quinoa recipes I found online. It's simple, made from start to finish in under 30 min. It's also super heart-healthy, as it's low in fat, cholesterol-free, and very high fiber.

3/4 cup uncooked quinoa
1 1/2 cups broth (Veggie or Chicken)
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
salt/pepper to taste
1 cup corn
2 tbsp lime juice
2 cans black beans
5-6 green onions, chopped
1 med. tomato, chopped
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped (optional)

Rinse the uncooked quinoa well, as it naturally has a bitter-tasting chemical, called saponin, on its surface. The grains are very small, so use a sprouter with grates on the bottom, if you have one. If not, set paper towels or a light kitchen towel in a strainer. Transfer the rinsed grains to a medium saucepan and add the broth, garlic, and spices. Simmer, covered, for 20 min. Add the remaining ingredients and simply cook through. It makes a great Mexican side dish but has everything it needs to be the main course!

Write A Better Love Story

You might wonder why emotional intimacy would be a health and wellness topic. There are numerous academic studies and statistics linking marriage, especially happy marriage, to a longer and more fulfilling life, but if you've ever had an intimate relationship, you don't need those. You, like I, have undoubtedly experienced the realities of how the condition of your relationship affects your energy levels, eating habits, stress and anxiety levels, your sleep, and the basic desire to get out of bed in the morning.

I have been married for 7 years and 2 1/2 children, which makes me a wise old sage to some and a novice to others. My marriage has taken me on the typical roller coaster from "This is the best day of my life!" to "What the hell was I thinking?!" and everywhere in between. I have never been one to be content with just getting by, and I've been blessed with a husband willing to struggle with me through the nearly hopeless times to a place of love, peace, and intimacy. I'm a reader and a writer even more than I am a talker, and maybe that's helped, since men aren't generally known for their verbal expressiveness or enjoyment of a good heart-to-heart. Pardon my obvious generalization. My experience certainly isn't all-inclusive for the options of developing emotional intimacy in marriage, but maybe we can find an idea for everyone if we all share.

I've discovered that it doesn't work for my marriage to sit my husband down and ask him for emotional intimacy. I've done that. It got me nowhere but disappointed. For years, I blamed him as uncaring and selfish for not granting my request until I finally realized it wasn't that he didn't care. He had no idea what I was asking for or how to achieve it. I'm not even sure I knew what I was asking for. I had to define it and break it down into meaningful pieces, and since I think in bullet points, my brain jumped at the chance for this little project.

I started by thinking, which turned into writing, which turned into letters that, at the time, I wasn't sure I was even going to share. I wrote about how I was experiencing our marriage. I wrote about the ways I felt hurt and the ways I hated myself for my weaknesses. I wrote about what got me to the alter and what's kept me from running since. I wrote about how and why I loved him. I wrote about my occasional hopelessness and my dream for what I wanted our marriage to become. It all gave me a chance to dig down into my deepest, most personal emotional places and feel and process things I hadn't been accessing very well for a long time. For me, my numbness began to give way, first to pain but then to hope and love. The stress and anxiety of feeling distant from my husband started to melt. After deciding to share them with my husband, I even got some responses to my letters that I never would've gotten had I sat down throwing that all at him in person. I suspect I would've gotten more wide-eyed silence than anything that way. My letters gave him time to process, feel, and respond honestly. It was beautiful, really, to experience that opening up. Hope is a real healer.

When I felt sufficiently processed for the time being, I decided to introduce a series of questions to our written liaisons. They are relatively simple questions, though I'm not sure he agrees with that, meant to help us decide and articulate what we want and envision in and for our relationship. They give us straight-forward views of what we can do to understand and serve each other better. I suggest keeping answers mostly to lists instead of paragraphs. It makes them concise and easier to remember and review. You can research relevant questions, write them yourself, or you could take turns. An interesting date night might be deciding on relevant questions together. There are a couple ground rules, of course. 1) No negativity. It's meant to be direction, not venting or nagging. It's a chance to say what you DO want, instead of what you DON'T want. 2) The questions should be unbiased and open to both spouses, not loaded or unidirectional. I suggest not trying to sit down together to answer an entire page of questions in one evening. I like offering one question at a time, giving each spouse a day or several days to think about their responses. Then talk about them or exchange them. Keep a record of the responses so you each can look back when things get a little foggy. Maybe even re-answer the questions periodically to keep them fresh and accurate.

I've felt both of these simple activities do wonders to take the scariness out of connecting emotionally. They certainly don't replace face-to-face interaction and bonding, but they have been a meaningful supplement for us. In a couple months' time, I've gone from long-term anxiety about the direction of my marriage and the distance between us to a peace, understanding, and newly rekindled love for the man I'm more anxious now to spend the rest of my life with.

Hearty Oatmeal Pancakes

Pancakes are one of the great American breakfast foods, and for good reason. They're delicious! Combine them with oatmeal and you can't go wrong. Oatmeal is heart-healthy, cholesterol-free, increases satiety (helps you feel full), low in fat and sodium, and high in fiber and minerals. This is a really hearty, inexpensive, and healthy recipe that my family loves!

1 1/2 cups oatmeal
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. sugar
2 eggs
2 cups milk, preferably skim
2 tbsp. vinegar or lemon juice

Add the vinegar or lemon juice to the milk separately, and let them sit for 3-5 minutes. This creates a healthy buttermilk substitute. Combine all the dry ingredients in a bowl, and then add the milk mixture and eggs. Mix with a stand or hand mixer. Adjust the thickness of the batter with flour or milk, if desired.

I use an electric griddle set just over 250 degrees to keep them golden brown without ever burning. This recipe makes about 10 large pancakes, which usually turns out to be 3-4 servings.

Serve with syrup (preferably light syrup or sparing amounts), or try serving with fruit and/or yogurt or light margarine and cinnamon sugar. You'll feel full all the way to lunch, and you'll feel great having had a healthy start to your day!

You can even serve these as a quick, healthy dinner with fruit and lean ham steaks.

Skip the Soda, Spare Yourself!

I ran into an article recently that quantified what we all know about avoiding sugary drinks. Have we really considered the long-term effects of our current day-to-day choices, though?

"In a new study, researchers at Harvard followed more than 40,000 men over 22 years and found those consuming just one 12-ounce sugar-sweetened drink a day increased their chance of having a heart attack by 20 percent. Two sugary drinks: a 42 percent increase. Three a day: 69 percent." (Robert Bazell, NBC News)

Not only do the constant insulin spikes in order to battle those sugar highs do apparent long-term harm, but think about the calories you could easily cut by making better choices in the short-term.

A 12 oz. can of regular soda (or pop, for you wonderful western weirdos) has an average of about 150 calories. Given that a pound of fat is 3,500 calories, you could lose at least a pound a month simply by skipping one can of soda a day. If you're used to a Big Gulp (32 oz.), you could lose a pound in just over a week. Drinking a soda or lemonade at a restaurant could quite easily cost you 400-700 calories in one sitting with zero nutritional value. That's an entire meal's worth of calories just in your drink, not even counting the normally high-calorie restaurant meal!

I, like most people, enjoy the occasional sugar-laden beverage, but the operative word should be OCCASIONAL. There are diet drinks, which are, calorically speaking, an improvement when you need something sweet. Diet sodas and juices like Crystal Light contain aspartame (or occasionally Splenda), which is somewhat controversial but generally considered safe by the medical community. They are both man-made chemicals, though, and wisdom might favor their moderate use. I enjoy Crystal Light (or the generic of it), but I also like to water it down quite a bit and don't drink it all the time.

Real fruit juices, though calorie dense, at least offer some nutritional value. Again, moderation is the key here. Even better, try ice water! You're tastes adjust in a short period of time to it's sugarlessness, and it's actually quite refreshing when it's ice cold. Add fresh lemon or lime for flavor. If that's a little tart for you, add a teaspoon or two of sugar (15 calories per tsp.) or sugar substitute to that for a slightly sweet low-calorie option.

It's the little things that help us make real improvements in our current and long-term health. Switching out soda is slimming, saves much needed cash, and is super heart-healthy!

Homemade Cream of Wheat

This is your chance to add an old favorite that is packed with nutrition to your diet for only pennies. Homemade Cream of Wheat, or ground wheat cereal without the brand name, is packed with whole grains and fiber, and can be a great source of vitamins and minerals if done right. If you're a food storage buff (or learning to be one), this is a great way to make use of those buckets of wheat.

The trick to making the best, most nutritious ground wheat cereal is grinding it yourself. You'll probably have a hard time buying ground wheat that is coarse enough for this anyway. A wheat grinder is one of the best purchases for healthy cooking you'll ever make, if you haven't already. A hand grinder can be used, but a good electric grain mill is worth the $150-$300 investment. I have the Nutrimill and love it.

Grind your wheat on the coarsest setting possible. Depending on your mill, it will be coarse flour or cornmeal consistency. It grinds much faster than fine flour and will only take a few seconds with an electric mill. The best time to make your cereal is right after you grind it, as the vitamins quickly deplete from wheat after it's ground. Let's be realistic, though. You won't make this very often if you have to grind it every morning before breakfast. Keeping it in a closed container in the fridge or freezer will help it last longer and make it easily accessible for a quick breakfast.

In a medium saucepan, combine 1 cup cereal to 4 cups water. I find that this serves 3-4 people, so adjust accordingly. Cook on high, stirring almost constantly until it thickens, which will only be 2-3 minutes or so. Simply serve with milk, fruit, brown or white sugar (or substitute), cinnamon sugar, or honey. You can feel good that you're spending next to nothing to eat a high fiber whole grain with no additives, preservatives, sodium, or cholesterol. It's low fat, and you can control the sugar (calorie) content, which is sure not to exceed what you'd get in most store-bought cereals.

For Your Heart's Sake

We all want to be healthy. We all want to live long, disease-free lives. Unfortunately, we don't always make the day-to-day lifestyle choices that get us there. We can do better! Heart disease is one of those devastating killers we all know about. We all know someone that suffers from or has suffered from it. In fact, it is responsible for nearly 25% of deaths in the United States each year and is the leading cause of death for both men and women. The great news about heart disease is that it is largely preventable. There are certain risk factors that we have no control over. In most cases, though, we have a lot of say as to how much risk we carry around with us. Even uncontrollable risk factors can be mitigated by improving our odds in other areas. Information is power, so here are some risk factors for heart disease to consider as we make lifestyle decisions every day.

Age: We all know that as we get older we are more likely to develop heart disease. It happens, but very few young people die from heart-related issues, and most of those have other risk factors. The kicker with the age issue is that, while it would be easy to toss this one aside as unpreventable, lifestyle choices make up the bulk of increased risk as we age. If we remain aware that some poor lifestyle choices that may not seem to effect us immediately build up over time, we are better poised to make better choices to increase our quality, as well as quantity, of life over time.

Heredity: This one really is unpreventable unless, unlike most of us, you managed to pick your own pedigree. If you're like me, though, you've had no say in whether your parents or grandparents have or will develop heart disease. Knowing this risk factor is important, as with age, because if you know you are at increased risk you can make choices that decrease your risk in other areas.

Tobacco: Smoking has long been known to be a risk factor for many diseases, including heart disease. It promotes atherosclerosis, a hardening of the artery walls due to plaque build up, and increases risk of clotting in the blood vessels. It increases blood pressure and decreases blood's ability to carry much needed oxygen throughout the body. Exposure to secondhand smoke can have a similar effect. Smoking is a difficult thing to quit and requires patience and support from loved ones, but it's one of the best things you could ever do to improve your health. There are lots of resources to help, including smokefree.gov.

Activity: Another well-known fact is that, generally speaking, the more we move the healthier we are. Avoiding heart disease is no exception. Being active can improve health in many ways, including improving cholesterol and blood pressure and decreasing risk of developing diabetes. Obesity is a huge risk, and staying active is one of the best ways to avoid that. For those of you who are marathon runners, way to go! For the rest of us that struggle with this one, you don't have to be a top-tier athlete to lower your risk of heart disease. It's important to find something you enjoy so you can stick with it. Walk with a friend in your neighborhood, kick a soccer ball with your kids, join a zumba or kickboxing class at a gym, or get a workout video or two you enjoy.

Diet: While a diet straight off the McDonald's menu might sound appealing to some at first, have you ever actually checked out the nutritional information on their website? Yuck! Diet is a risk factor that is entirely within our capacity to control, no matter our circumstances. Obesity, as mentioned before, increases our risk of developing heart disease exponentially. A diet low in fat, sodium, red meat, and refined sugars and high in whole grains, fresh foods, and fiber help to significantly reduce our risk of heart disease, as well as many other health-related issues. Excessive alcohol consumption can also lead to atherosclerosis and other health problems, so if you enjoy a good drink keeping it in moderation will help to protect your health. There's so much that goes in to diet, as well as exercise. They are so important to a healthy life that we'll absolutely dig deeper in subsequent posts, and the recipes I'll offer all have overall health in mind. Also, choosemyplate.gov is a great place to start.

This is not an all-inclusive list, but it gives us all a ruler to measure ourselves by. If you'd like more information on heart disease, cdc.gov/heartdisease/ is a good resource. Taking control of your health can be overwhelming, but it can also be incredibly empowering! If you just take a deep breath and attack problem issues in your lifestyle one at a time, the results can be increased energy and alertness, better self-esteem, less sickness and chronic disease, longer life, a body that's healthier and more fit, and let's not forget heart disease free.

Sprout for Joy

I recently discovered sprouting. I've always liked sprouts. I remember always searching them out at salad bars as a kid. They add texture and crunch to a salad or sandwich, and they are nearly devoid of calories (8 calories in an entire cup serving). They are also a great way to get some extra vitamins, minerals, and fiber in your diet. I mostly add them to cold dishes, but they can also be a great addition to dishes like meatloaf or sloppy joes to add a little extra nutrition. The most common sprouts are alfalfa, which are my personal favorite. Bean and wheat sprouts are also easy and common. There are tons of possibilities, though, so don't be afraid to try something new once you've gotten comfortable with the basics.

I've been wanting to try sprouting for a long time, but I guess I was afraid of it. I tend to be a bit afraid of new projects. Maybe it will fail miserably. Maybe it will be too hard to keep up. Maybe it will cost too much to be worth it. This ended up being super easy. There are several ways to do it, the most basic of which is with a mason jar with mesh (or old pantyhose) over the top, but I admit I was too chicken to try that one.

A friend of mine introduced me to the Sprout Master Mini. I don't say this to advertise for any particular brand of sprouter. There are lots of sprouters out there, but this is the one I use. It was about $17 at the local health food store and came with one pretty big container each of alfalfa sprouts and bean sprouts. You can also get them at amazon.com or elsewhere online in packs of three or bigger sprouters. It has a divider that can be used to sprout two different types, as shown, or you can remove it and do one bigger sprouting. All you do is put a few teaspoons of seeds in the sprouter and rinse with warm water. The exact amount depends on the type of sprout and the size of your tray. For alfalfa sprouts in the Mini, I use 2 tsp. for a half tray and 4 tsp. for a whole. After rinsing, drain the tray over the sink, put the drip tray on the bottom and the cover on the top, and put in a warm dark place. I use a cabinet. The directions say to rinse and drain the tray twice a day, but I only do it once and it works just fine. After 2-4 days, depending on the conditions and type of sprout, they're ready to eat. Just stick them in the fridge in the covered tray, and they last at least a week. 2 minutes to start them, and 30 seconds a day for a few days. It's so easy, and it's a step in the direction of healthy living with fresh foods!